The first time I thought about dating again, I talked myself out of it in about four seconds. Who would have the time? Who would want the chaos that comes with it? And honestly...did I even remember how?
If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. Most single parents I've spoken to feel the same mix of hope and nerves. The good news is that there's no deadline and no right way to do this. There's just your way, at your pace.
Ask yourself if you're ready (not perfect)
You don't need to have everything sorted before you date again. Nobody does. But it helps to check in with yourself first.
- Are you looking forward, rather than looking back at what went wrong?
- Would you enjoy a coffee with someone new, even if it went nowhere?
- Do you have a little headspace that isn't taken up by work, school runs and washing?
If you can answer yes to most of those, you're probably ready enough. Ready enough is fine.
Be honest about your time
Time is the thing single parents never have enough of. So rather than pretending otherwise, plan around it. I worked out which evenings I had free when the kids were with their mum, and which lunchtimes I could realistically step away from work. That gave me a simple rhythm...and made dating feel possible rather than one more thing to juggle.
Start small
You don't have to jump straight into a big night out. A message conversation, a phone call or a quick coffee is plenty to begin with. The aim at the start is just to enjoy talking to another adult again. The rest can follow.
Choose a place where people get it
One of the best decisions I made was looking for people who understood family life. On Mums Date Dads, everyone is a parent, so nobody is surprised when you need to leave early for pickup or rearrange because someone has a temperature. That takes so much pressure off.
Go easy on yourself
Some dates will be lovely. Some will be awkward. Some people will go quiet on you. None of that says anything about your worth as a person or a parent. Keep your sense of humour, keep your standards and keep going.
My one piece of advice
Don't wait until life is calmer. With kids, it rarely is. If you feel even slightly ready, take one small step this week. Update a photo, write a few lines about yourself or say hello to someone who makes you smile. You might be surprised where it leads.
